I decided to start this blog because I finally got the nerve to add up how much my husband and I owe on all of our credit cards.

$23,095.97.

That’s a lot of money. Money that I don’t know how we’ll be able to pay off. My husband has a good job, and I am working on a lucrative freelance project right now, but it’s going to take a long time before we are debt-free.

I admit it. We are bad at managing our finances. We were practically debt-free (well, aside from student loans) upon our marriage three years ago. But then we splurged a little too much on the honeymoon. And then we decided to buy new living-room furniture. And then we needed a new bed. And then we wanted to go out to dinner with our friends. And then I lost my job and decided to be a full-time freelancer. And then we realized that it was tough making it without regular paychecks, but I also couldn’t find a decent-paying full-time job. And then my husband lost his job, and neither of us had any money coming in for nearly four months. And then we moved to Southern California for my husband’s new job, and everything from the U-Haul rental to our first month’s rent went on the credit cards (“convenience checks,” baby!). And now we are trying to face the sober reality of too much debt.

I manage our finances, and I’m not good at saying, “No, we’re not going out to dinner. We can’t afford it.” It’s far too easy for me to just reach for the plastic. And my husband is the same way, so we indulge each other and get deeper and deeper into debt. In fact, my husband doesn’t know how much we owe. I’m embarrassed to tell him, even though it’s as much his fault as it is mine.

So I started this blog hoping that my readers would help me find some willpower and whip me into shape. At least I finally know how bad the damage is. I’ve made a list of all of our credit cards, I’ve transferred balances around to get lower rates, and I have devised an order in which the bills should be paid off. It’s going to take a long time. It’s not going to be fun. But in the end, it will be worth it.

In the meantime, I am open to comments, criticisms, and suggestions. Yes, I know that running up this much debt is stupid. I know that I am compromising our long-term financial security. I know that at this rate, we’ll never be able to buy a house. (Not like we could at these prices anyway–we live in Orange County, California.) So that is why I am embarking on a mission to clean up my financial life. This is the one place where I will post the unvarnished truth. The one place where I can be honest about how bad it is, and how hard we need to work to make it better. Here are the facts:

Amount owed: $23,095.97

Husband’s projected yearly income: $70,000

My projected yearly income: $45,000

Rent: $1700/month

Car payment: $300/month

Student loan payments: $190/month

We’re a lot better off than a lot of people. We actually have good credit, since we pay more than the minimums on our cards each month. But I don’t want to be in debt for the rest of my life. This is the first step. It’s going to be a long journey.